BLAME SHIFTERS

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Quote: "Why are so many people having so much trouble accepting the Cochlear Implant as a tool in approaches to Deafness?"

[FYI: The "d" in the word "deafness" is not capitalized because "deafness" is a pathological term, and therefore only addresses one narrow part of being human, instead of taking into account the whole human being. The word "Deaf" with an upper-case "D" refers to the whole person and makes the analogy between Deaf people and people of other cultural groups such as African-Americans, Latinos, Italian-Americans, Ukrainians, etc.]

My response: In the late 1950s, there were some Deaf people were concerned about how hearing aids might be used improperly and what influence this would have on the Deaf community, and they had valid points. Of course they knew that this had ramifications for the future. They were not so naive to think that the doctors and scientists would stop pushing hearing aid use with Deaf children. That was part of the beginning of what has become a destructive trend toward Deaf human beings.

Nowadays, many Deaf and hearing people are appalled to see that parents would allow doctors and scientists to drill a hole into Deaf babies' skulls and force them to take drugs in the process, knowing that Deaf babies have no way to communicate if they don't feel well or are in pain. I begin to wonder much further the scientists and doctors will keep going along these lines once they realize that cochlear implant technology is not sufficient for Deaf babies, just like hearing aids have not been sufficient. They will probably keep persisting and persisting, because they will continue to ignorantly view Deaf babies as just being hearing babies who can't hear. Yet using the tools such as CIs, which involve cutting up a baby's head, is a risk that is too high to take, especially since there is nothing wrong with allowing the baby to be Deaf. There is something wrong this picture if doctors cannot see this. Any person who has normal intelligence should be able to recognize that there is something seriously wrong when doctors are drilling babies' heads for the sake of society's convenience. What's more, scientists and doctors would go too far in pushing for Deaf embryos to be discarded, because they can't find a way to "cure" Deaf people.

Quote: "If this is the case, I can understand why there is so much resentment, anger and closed-mindedness when a hearing person tries to convey a message with heart, not dictate"

My response: People who don't have a deep understanding about Deaf history and Deaf culture tend to have the bad habit of directing blame toward the Deaf community and attempting to label Deaf people as being angry, resentful, and closed-minded. Members of the Deaf community work very hard to work with the majority to have Deaf people's right to exist as Deaf beings recognized. Detractors see the Deaf community as being helpless people who need to be rescued. The detractors want Deaf people to undergo therapy. They would try to place a conceptual "hook" onto Deaf people because they (the detractors) want to convey the image of Deaf people being seen as frail, weak, and not confident, because they want to be seen as having a "heart" to help the Deaf. This is a big turn off. Deaf people are fully capable of engaging themselves with others in healthy, proactive ways, and we do. There is no reason to label Deaf people as being angry, resentful or closed-minded.

Quote: "However, when you refuse to let yourself trust people, you miss out on a helluva lot of incredible people and the opportunity to enrich your life."

My response: TRUST is something that EVERYONE must be mindful of in this world. Trust is something to be developed and earned. The detractors need to change to become open-minded enough to be able to learn and not think they can just jump in as if they are our heroes.. There are many wonderful, outspoken people in the Deaf community, and we don't need people treating us like we are victims or helpless people. If they want to work with the Deaf community, then please, they should feel free to jump in. But if they want to help us so they can make themselves out to be heroes, then they should please back off and examine their ideas and their motives as to why they have the urge to be heroes. For example they may have unsolved issues in their childhoods that give them the urge to jump in and try to be heroic every time a similar situation comes up. We have many wonderful heroes inside and outside that do not "help" or "rescue" the Deaf community, but instead work with us as equals. The detractors need to stop perpetuating stereotypes and prejudging us.

Quote: "But you have experiences as a mother and Aidan doesn't and that is where the discussion ends for me..."

My response: Giving birth to a child does not automatically mean that someone is competent to raise children, and people who have not given birth to children are also qualified to raise and care for children. People who have not given birth to a child can and do contribute a great deal to Deaf children's upbringing. It is not about measuring who is mother enough and who is not mother enough. People who have this kind of attitude who make negative comments are looking for a way to shut up the people who are passionate about children's futures.

Quote: "Aidan …I will not debate with someone who has the need to nitpick every other word, then back it up with references. That doesn't accomplish anything toward understanding."

My response: Those who point fingers are directing attention away from themselves and what they're doing by accusing someone else of doing this to them just to get them upset. They make themselves seem like people who never would dream of doing such a thing themselves, all the while they are doing exactly that. It's all based on political correctness when it comes to debating or to disagreement. Everyone has become accustomed to saying things differently in order to soften the blow or to avoid facing someone else's reaction.

We live in a society of blame shifters. You see in blame shifters a flight from reality when they demand that you see the situation from their perspective, of which only they are right. It is impossible to deal with people who use this strategy in conversation. In short, you cannot reason with a blame shifter. A blame shifter is someone who always tries to turn "no's" into "yeses" (or vice versa) in order to ultimately always get his or her way.